I don’t know if I am suffering a flu bug or if it is stress and lack of proper diet and lack of rest, but today my stomach has been nothing but a tight painful knot. It seems like some kind of stomach flu, so that is my assumption for what it is. I suppose it could be having made myself eat yesterday after not having ate more than a couple bites here and there since the 14th.

As I write this it is 12:12 am going into Thursday morning and I am debating on if I stay up all night again, watching over dad as he sleeps, or if I should try to get some sleep. That dang sleep apnea he has makes trying to sleep impossible. It was much easier when you and I could take turns, you staying awake to keep an eye on him, then me staying awake while you got some rest. Now I find myself trying to pull off double shifts and it is so difficult. The others were coming around and that let me sneak off to get a few hours of sleep here and there, but I know they will all go back to their own lives before very long and I’ll need to settle into some kind of balance point on when I can sleep and when I can’t.

The exhaustion does make trying to work hard. I got some stuff done this morning, but nowhere near enough, and nothing that actually resulted in my earning money. I stare at my work ledger and can see the sickening trend it has taken.

July $45
August $61.50
September $87

It was actually starting to go up in earnings, but that last entry was for earnings before the 14th… While the first half of the month was good, I have been unable to work since that day. Unable to even think about trying to work. It don’t matter I suppose. The work is not there. I have been looking, but there simply is nothing to earn money from.

I cringe to think what stress and my inability to focus is going to be doing to what little I was managing to make. And yet, I need to remind myself once again, we’re the survivors. We’re the strong ones. Aren’t we mom?

I miss you so very much.

HUGS!!!!!

Love,
Sandra