Letters to Mom is a collections of letters to my mother, Virginia, who passed away on September 14, 2008 at the age of 74.  These are all of the things that I wish I could talk about with her, the things her and I would have sorted out together, and the things I would have asked her input on.

Those who would read these letters are forewarned that I believe in ghosts, and these letters will likely touch a lot of the time on points that I have seen proof of her still being with my family and watching over us.

About me:

As the youngest of my parents children, I suppose it was inevitable that it fell to me to be their caregiver when the time came that they needed one. When I was 16 I attended Job Corps, where I took a secretarial course. That was before secretaries were trained in computer use, so when I graduated as the first person to have a strong working knowledge of computer use, the teacher and I had to go through the career book to find something that defined my skills. The closest we came was “Terminal Systems Operator”.

Upon graduating from Job Corps I moved back to Alaska with my parents where I briefly worked for Burger King before making the move to further my education in computers and small business operation. Attending courses at the University of Alaska in the Matinuska-Susitna Valley, I maintained a full course load and a position on the Dean’s List for each of the semesters I attended the college. Serving on the Student Council for a time and assisting others in the computer lab (despite the fact I was not one of the lab techs), I left college on what was to be a brief sojourn to help my parents. Things progressed from there to the point that I became their part-time caregiver, working for a brief time for my sister’s magazine and spending what free time I had seeking to make my dream to be an author of fantasy novels come true.

Chopping wood, shoveling my parents driveway by hand and assisting my mom with shopping became a large part of my work and life. For a time we hauled water to the property that my parents had bought after I had left Job Corps, growing a beautiful garden and working to build a home on the property.

In the mid 1990’s a massive fire tore through this part of Alaska. My parents watched as it bypassed our home, then watched again as it turned back around just shy of the homes of my siblings – returning the way that it had come to destroy my parents home. Me and them stood on the hill near our house watching the fire.

I still clearly recall that day. The local news crew were packing up as we arrived on scene, a Trooper sitting there to keep people away from the danger zone. My parents wanted to get back to the house, to save what we could, but the Trooper said he could not let us go down there. He said that he could go down, however, and got in his car and drove down the road. We knew by his expression as he got out of his car a few minutes later what he had seen. He reported to my dad that our home was currently engulfed in flames. A total loss.

I had never seen a news crew scrabble so fast and for the remainder of the time the Valley News was on the air there was an image in their opening credits of my dad standing on that hill, staring out across the landscape to where his home burned.

We, like many others, rebuilt in the wake of the fire. The area where I live still bears the scars of that fire, but it is healing. We spent years healing and rebuilding after that, and on September 12, 2001, my father suffered a massive stroke while in Washington preparing for a vacation with me and my mom. Overnight he was half paralyzed and in need of full-time care, and me and mom became his caregivers.

I tried my best to always take as much of the responsibility as I could from my mom, to try to keep her stress as low as I could and to make sure that she rested as much as I could manage. It was difficult, but we endured. Doctors told her my dad had only hours to live. Others said days. As recently as last Christmas my mom was told my dad had only a couple of weeks left to live… and still my mom and I did what we could to take care of my dad and prove them all wrong.

Last year, as the mortgage world went into turmoil, my mom and I sat down and talked about the home that her and my dad owned. It was to belong to me one day, the only way they had to pay me for all of the years I had sacrificed to help them. My parents were within about $1,000 of once again owning the property outright, the rebuilding loan nearly paid back to the government after our home had been destroyed by the fire years before.

The equity my parents had in their home was the only way we had to save the homes of several others in the family. Choosing to take out a mortgage was one of the most difficult and painful decisions I think we had ever made, but we knew it was the only decision we could make. Banks demanded immediate payment on property mortgages, making moves to foreclose on homes of our family. While the debts were far more than the value of the homes, there was no option but to do whatever we could to prevent the losses of those homes.

And so a debt was created on my parents home. While the American Government spent billions bailing out mortgage companies that had made poor mortgage decisions, my parents were forced to mortgage their home for $150,000.00 to assure that our family was not one of those hurt in the worst of ways by that mortgage crisis.

Today I watch as the President talks about how the government needs to spend billions to fix those problems, and all I can think of is how if those problems had been fixed before then I would not be staring down the harsh truth that I will loose my parents home one day because some bank panicked and demanded it had to have money immediately. I don’t guess the government would consider spending $100,000 to assure that I can actually have a chance of affording to save my parents home, so instead I am doing my best, as always, to take care of my dad for my mom and try to figure out what I will do.

About my Mom:

Anchorage Daily News
September 19, 2008.

Frontiersman
September 20, 2008

Published on Saturday, September 20, 2008 8:57 PM AKDT

Virginia Ellen Fikes, 74, of Big Lake, passed away Sept. 14. 2008 at Providence Hospital in Anchorage from heart failure.

Friends are invited to attend the memorial service at 3 p.m. Sunday, Sept. 21, at VFW Post 9365. Private interment will be Monday at Ft. Richardson National Cemetery.

Fikes was born May 14, 1934 in Sebastopol, Calif., and enjoyed gardening, gold prospecting, collecting antiques, pianos and especially old dolls, and spending time with her family. She was the wife of a 21-year Army veteran, with a son who served in the Army and a daughter in the Air Force. She came to Alaska in 1965, living in Eagle River as well as Big Lake.

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She was a member of the VFW Auxiliary, American Legion Auxiliary and worked as the Civil Defense emergency coordinator.

“Mom knew good things,” her family wrote. “She knew a good man when she met him, and married him. She knew how to support him in his chosen field and made sure his uniforms were pressed and dinner was waiting when he got home.

“She knew how to raise children and give them the tools they would need to make it through life; a critical and questioning mind was important, believing things just because someone said it was so, was not in our raising,” they wrote. “Puppies, kittens, horses and mules were. It never mattered what we did or how far we roamed, we always knew where home was, and that we were welcome there if we needed shelter from life’s storms.”

Her family said the simple things were important to Fikes: children’s birthdays, sitting by the lake with a fishing pole, watching the roses and puppies and children and grandchildren grow.

Fikes is survived by her husband of 59 years, Billy L. Fikes, of Big Lake; brothers Clifford Burke of Eureka, Cal., William Burke of Santa Rosa, Cal, and Donald Burke of Branson, Miss., sister Phyllis Gregson of Boise, Idaho; daughters Helen Hegener of Meadow Lakes, Linda Beasley of Tucson, Ariz., Susan Patch of Deer Park, Wash., and Sandra Jean Fikes of Big Lake; sons Lewis Monroe Fikes of Big Lake and Billy Fikes Jr. of Meadow Lakes; and numerous grandchildren and great-grandchildren.

She was preceded in death by her parents Virginia and George, and brother George Burke, all of northern California.

Valley Funeral Homes & Crematory of Palmer and Wasilla is assisting the family.

Frontiersman
September 20, 2008

Comments in Frontiersman Online:

Susan Ryan wrote on Sep 24, 2008 2:02 AM:
” Looks like the Fikes family were surrounded by good things thanks to their wife, mother and grandmother.

Looking at her life, it’s not surprising to see how a daughter like Helen could do so much good in the homeschool community. Raising children who look around and want to make our world better is a wonderful legacy to leave in this world.

I wish you good thoughts and hope for comfort and good laughs with all of your loved ones. ”

Billy Fikes wrote on Sep 21, 2008 11:48 PM:
” When Dad called his friend in the Pentagon in 1965 he told him he was going into the last of his 21 years of service, his friend just happened to have some control over assignments and asked “where would you like to spend it, Hawaii?” He asked Mom if she wanted to go to Alaska or Hawaii, and Mom wanted to come to Alaska. Just one of many great decisions she made for her Family. ”